A Letter To My Mum

Happy Mothers Day to my wonderful mum. First off mum, i want to say I'm sorry for all the heartache I've caused you over the years and thank you for just being there and supporting me during my dark times but i know you will say 'thats what mothers do' and yes that's true but again thank you from the bottom of my heart.

You single handedly raised twin girls, who clearly did your nut in from time to time and that's a credit to all single mothers! You took on the father role too. I hope you know that you are my greatest role model, my biggest inspiration, and most of all, my absolute best friend along with Nicole of course.
I trust you with every thing and I would not have it any other way. I’ve done a lot to hurt you. I have done a lot to destroy the bond between us and to break your trust in me. Honestly, I am not quite sure how you have forgiven me for some of the things I have done. All I know is that I am so unbelievably grateful that you have. Despite all of my mistakes, you love me, and you do your best to trust me. I have said and done things to you that would destroy any relationship. I guess it is true when they say blood runs thicker than water.

I know i don't always tell you how I'm feeling, whats going on with me it's not because i don't trust you - it's because i don't want to hurt you when i say 'there are days where i wish i didn't exist' 
Thank you for looking at me as me and not Simone with a mental illness and hearing impairment. From day one you have been my support system and my greatest fan.
Thank you for actually caring when I had a problem and needed advice. Thank you for all the traits you passed down to me, including the physical ones as I'm pretty much a mini you. 
Thank you for your intelligence, sense of humour, strength, empathy, love, and faith. Thank you for teaching me right from wrong. Thank you for disciplining me. Even if i do answer back. Thank you for teaching me to be an independent woman, going after what i want because i don't need a man to define me, i can do much better without the male counter parts.  Thank you for all the little, subtle ways you let me know I was loved and wanted.
Thank you for always being proud of me as long as I tried my best.
Thank you for always believing in me, even when I don’t believe in myself.
You gave me double the love that I ever needed and deserved. It was more than making me feel loved; it was teaching me that even through the difficult situations, I am loved.

Thank you (and Nicole) for understanding my depression. This is the single most important thing you did that helped me survive. Having someone understand, even just slightly understand that depression is a real illness, means so much. You understood I wasn’t being “lazy,” “attention seeking” or “selfish,” like many people accuse those who are struggling with depression of being. You understood all of my actions and thoughts were out of my control.
Thank you for never turning your back on me, even when the depression made me turn my back on everyone, including you. I isolated myself. In my head, it was what was best for you and everyone who loved me because I didn’t want you all to see me in the condition I was in.

If i were to be a mum in the future, i hope i will be like you.

Thank You

Love, Your Daughter 

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