Why You Should Watch Eyewitness

I thought i would put together a post as to why Philip and Lukas' relationship in Eyewitness is a new LGBTQ game changer. Eyewitness is an American crime thriller. And I for one was drawn to the fact that a sweet gay love story is the 'main' plot and as I'm a big baby when watching anything thriller esque. So i was surprised i was drawn to a show like Eyewitness, it keeps you on the edge of your seat, screaming at the computer...

The show centres around the relationship between two teenage boys, Philip Shea played by Tyler Young and Lukas Waldenbeck played by James Paxton, after they witness a triple homicide. The relationship is at at the forefront of it. That, in and of itself, i think can show LGBTQ youth that their stories can be a part of mainstream entertainment. They don’t have to be this sub-genre. Which i think is about time, same sex relationships aren't pushed aside and just embrace a beautiful relationship.

Winter Essentials

Since it's now pretty much winter, darker nights, the cold air. I decided to share with you a few of my essentials for the magical season, a little updated version. Colder months call for essentials that make the days more bearable. I quite enjoy the colder months for this reason. Wrapping up in layers indulging in berry tones and treating myself to comfort food is what Winter (and Autumn) is all about. It's time to wrap up warm and get festive.

My Christmas Playlist

I can't believe it; It's finally Christmas! And before anybody say's "it's only November" hear me out; The city's Christmas lights have been switched on, Christmas songs are on the radio and the John Lewis advert is on the telly, how can it not be Christmas? Now's the time to get excited after a rubbish year.

One of my favourite things about Christmas is the music. There's just so many Christmas songs to choose from isn't there? The old classics, the 2000 hits and then the cover versions.
How can you not love a good Christmas playlist and since I recently put a playlist together filled with Christmas songs I thought i could share with you to help you get in the festive spirit or just for something to listen to in the holidays. Some old, some new and a few covers!

16 Adorable Dog Gifs That Will Brighten Your Day

I've always found dogs so sweet and loving no matter what size probably because i've grown up around big and small dogs. Dogs have a way of making you smile, laugh and coo even looking at gifs of pups i can't help but coo over how adorable they are. Dogs are such precious creatures so  I'll leave you to look at these cutie pies.

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"More fluff? No problem!"

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Whats better than having a look at adorable dogs to lift up your mood?
I hope you liked this little post.

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Fifty Little Things To Be Happy About

So decided to do this post as a little pick me up after feeling down in the dumps recently, I've been making this list for some time, just adding little bits as I go whenever I've felt down in the dumps so I decided to turn it into a little blog post and spread the happiness. When times are hard, it’s good to remember that there are wonderful things in the world that can make us happy. No matter how big or small. Here are the 50 things that make me happy and even you too.

1) Animals
2) The sound of rain hitting the window
3) Chocolate
4) Being told you're loved (even if sometimes you feel like nobody could or does love you)
5) Disney films
6) Autumn and Winter
7) Inspirational quotes
8) The smell of winter.
9) The beautiful colours of autumn.
10) Cake
11) Movie marathons
12) Good makeup days
13) Cosy sweaters
14) Christmas
15) Lie ins
16) The smell of perfume
17) Blogging
18) Morning coffee
19) Cuddles with pets
20) Fresh flowers
21) Chick flicks/ Rom coms
22) A nice hot bubble bath
23) Petting dogs
24) Feeling beautiful
25) Relatable songs and movies
26) Looking through old photo albums
27) Fluffy socks
28) Preparing for Christmas
29) Bourbon biscuits
30) Cats sleeping
31) Nice hot cup of tea
32) Being able to inspire yourself
33) Binge blog reading
34) When blog inspiration hits
35) When your favourite artist's song plays on the radio
36) A cute fan video of your TV or movie OTP
37) Binge watching your favourite TV series i.e Catfish, Tattoo Fixers, Friends, A Place To Call Home, Miranda.
38) Feeling proud of yourself
39) Singing/dancing to your favourite song
40) Your iTunes or Spotify shuffling to the perfect song 
41) Smiles and Compliments
42) Lazy days in Pyjamas
43) Being proud of your blog content
44) Waking up to your pet’s face in the morning
45) Being comfortable in your own skin
46) Having your favourite takeaway
47) When someone leaves you a lovely comment on your blog.
48) New lipstick
49) Fairy lights
50) Just being you (because it is pretty amazing)

What always makes you smile? What are the little things that make you happy?

Spreading Self Love and Being Confident

So basically, what I have been thinking about these past few months or so is how society (and people around us) views confidence. If you are unconfident and have no self-esteem then you are told over and over again to have more confidence and told all the reasons you should be more confident in yourself, told you're pretty, you're smart, you're funny, but then when someone is confident in themselves, they know they are pretty, or they hold themselves tall then they are ripped to shreds, told they are up themselves.

If I am happy with how I look and I post a lot of selfies online I am full of myself, but if I hate how I look and call myself ugly it's so sad and I should feel confident. It's like no one can win, it takes a lot of guts to walk out the house with confidence, why do people feel the need to rain on other peoples parade?

Some people aren't even as confident as they let everyone believe, faking it till you make it. Some people pretend they think they are attractive, they force themselves to not look at the ground when they walk. These people are still belittled because they appear to have confidence. So if you tell them "oh you're so full of yourself, you're not even that good looking" or whatever, then what are you doing to their confidence? They already feel low and are pretending they don't, so your comments just add to what they already believe. 

I personally believe everyone should have confidence and know their worth and not care what anyone may say about them. You're pretty, flaunt it, you're funny, tell loads of jokes and laugh as loud as you can at your own jokes, you're smart? Good, do what you want with your life, you have curves or you love your small waist? Flaunt it and wear what makes you happy. Everyone should feel happy and confident in themselves because we are all individuals with different, interesting and unique qualities. 

Stop caring about what people think of you. I may not love how I look, I have insecurities because I am human, but people try to bring me down, people I don't know and people I am close to and I have just stopped caring. How i view myself is more important, thats the one person i should be more focused on. I wear what makes me confident, i do my makeup however i want, It's me that's wearing it not you. So you think i should lose a few pounds, and guess what this is my body and my skin, not yours. 

 Just be a nice person and focus on loving yourself and helping others love themselves. We are all unique, we all have flaws. Lets embrace it.

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Thoughts On Gender Stereotypes

This post may turn into a long rant but who cares. A few days ago, my twin sister Nicole experienced some stereotypical language on Twitter via Direct Message with Bayern Munich fan (also her favourite football team) which really annoyed me. She isn't your typical girlie girl, short pixie styled hair , she'd much rather wear a comfy pair of jeans and a football shirt/a dark plaid shirt. I guess you could say she's a tomboy and she's happy with that, she's comfortable but seeing what some people say about her on social media is uncalled for and this isn't the first time she's had people asking her 'are you a boy or a girl' 

Even at school by numerous of people she was occasionally mistaken for a boy which when you're young it's very insulting but even worse when it's a teacher. She was in music lesson and the seating plan was Boy. Girl, Boy. Girl. So she sat down next to a boy and immediately the teacher said as the class a little quiet 'you're not suppose to sit there, it's meant to be boy, girl, boy, girl' And at this point my sister had short pixie styled hair and she liked it, it was very Nicole. Even at a young age, she was the kind of girl that would play a little rough and play a game of football (she was good at football, we thought she'd join an all girls football team), she always had a football with her hand. And because of that experience, she grew out her hair just so she wouldn't get teased and don't get me wrong she looked lovely in a short bob but she just wasn't quite Nicole.

I guess you could say it still annoys me today with any kind of stereotypical language, why should we immediately label someone, why do we judge people based on their appearance - that's society for you. Needing to fit the so called 'societies norm' 
"We're all different in terms of what we wear, often a reflection of our personalities and a peek into our inner beings,"
my twin sister Nicole over the years. 

Fast forward 6 years, both finished high school. Nicole decided that she's had enough of people telling her what to look like so she asked our aunt (who's also our hairdresser) to cut it short again. She got to the point where she decided she was happy having short hair, wearing 'masuline' clothes, she was Nicole. I didn't see her as anything different, just Nicole as a young woman - she was comfortable wearing hoodies, football shirts, jeans and converse. I was just happy to see her happy in her own skin despite people saying she looks like a bloke but who cares. Nicole was just Nicole, her unique tomboyish self. Raving about how great Bayern Munich are. That's what being yourself means doesn't it? Being comfortable in your own skin, wearing what you want and expressing yourself how ever you please.

Stereotypically you could say me and Nicole are different although that is true, we are different in many ways but occasionally two peas in a pod. As twins we're immediately stereotyped the same, well you couldn't be anymore wrong. Nicole is practical where I'm creative (Nicole's words not mine) I'm the girlie girl that likes wearing makeup etc and Nicole doesn't like makeup and wears 'masculine clothing.' Are gender roles that important? Because every girl and boy is different, Boys can play with dolls, wear dresses and play around with makeup. Girls can like football and be as passionate about it just like everyone else, they can like cars and play video games. 

One thing that doesn't sit well with me is things being labelled as 'girls or boys' clothes, colouring books, toys, young children shouldn't feel inadequate, Everyone should be able to express themselves in any way they choose without the unnecessary labelling, personally i don't see anything such as masculinity or femininity. Everyone is equal to others, who deserve the same rights as others. 
And the recent Smyths advertisement breaks those stereotypes showing no matter if you're a boy or a girl toys are for everyone, showing young children (and parents) that gender stereotypes are unnecessary. Kids, young adults and many others should feel comfortable in expressing themselves in anyway they choose whether that's by clothing, makeup or toys - we all deserve to embrace the things that make us different without society having a say. I don't care what they do, who they are as long as they are happy and that's something i will teach my future children, There is nothing better than seeing someone with joy in their eyes, doing what they love, wearing what they like and just expressing themselves.

Every single one of us should support gender equality, we all deserve the same rights across all sectors of society. Children shouldn't have to witness inequality, being told how they express themselves is wrong, what kind of career they should have, who they should be. I feel gender equality requires tackling stereotypes and that begins
with examining your own views about masculinity and femininity and become aware of how gender stereotyping affects men, women and children in every sphere of life. Women can be strong. Men are allowed to cry and children should be free to be whoever they choose to be.

Lets inspire every young girl and boy, man and women to be the next mountain climber, dancer, scientist, doctor, journalist, teacher and let them be in charge of who they view themselves without the stereotypes. Lets challenge gender stereotypes! Let them be who they choose to be, let them be uniquely themselves because when you see the pure joy in someones smile, that's when the magic happens. When they are unapologetically themselves

What are your thoughts on Gender Stereotypes?

Why We Should Be Proud Of Our Blogs

When i made my little blog The BeautifulxImperfections Journal, I didn't know i would fall in love with blogging. I love sharing all my little musings and ramblings but sometimes i lack on the proud part of my blog and don't get me wrong, i am proud of my little place on the internet, i'm proud of putting myself out there. I love coming up with new ideas, chatting to other bloggers and gaining inspiration from some of my favourite bloggers too. It's given me confidence and helped me improve my writing

Despite lacking love of my blog sometimes,  having a blog is a pretty impressive thing when you look at the work and thought that goes into it. So, in an effort to cheer myself and possibly you up, here’s a little list of why we should be proud of our blogs.

1. You can be whoever you want to be online, more than likely you will find yourself being more honest than you are in real life. You can express yourself freely

2. There are no rules, you can do whatever you like.

3. Seeing your little space grow, no matter at what pace its something to be excited about.

4. All our blogs are a work in progress.

5. Finding some wonderful people in the blogging community that give us that little bit of inspiration.

6. We're all just regular people. No matter what the follower count or stats are. There's someone behind that blog

7. Every milestone is worth celebrating, no matter how big or small. I was so excited when i hit over 1,000 page views and it keeps on growing

8. We all want different things, a place to express ourselves. Not everybody is striving for millions of readers or followers.

9. Putting yourself out there in the blogging world for everybody to see is scary and that takes a lot of courage.

10. Running a blog takes work, no matter at what pace or how many times you post.

11. The most important person to please is yourself. Always blog for yourself.

12. You're probably doing a much better job than you actually think 

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I'm proud of The BeautifulxImperfections Journal, i love my blog and you should love yours too. Although i've only been blogging for just a year and a half, i find it pretty impressive how much you can learn and how much confidence you can gain from it.

Why do you think we should be prouder of our blogs?

Rom Com's Every Girl Should See

When i was growing up i would either be watching a Disney film, a Comedy or a Chick Flick, they seemed to be my set genre and still are now. I'm a sucker for a love story filled with happy endings, soppy romance and something that tugs on my heart strings. So i put together a list of my some of my favourite rom coms and pretty much why every girl should watch them! Perfect for a little pick me up.

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Breakfast At Tiffany's Audrey is a goddess, that is all. Iconic. I could watch this over and over again. Audrey singing Moon River gives me goose pimples.

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Bridget Jones's Diary - It's funny, filled with lady-friendly humour and sharp wit. The protagonist proves that beauty does exist beyond a size two. Bridget is relatable and awkward. Who doesn't like watching Colin Firth being adorable? This makes me want to move to London and find a Mark Darcy, I'd like to add Mark Darcy in BJB is just perfect okay.

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Love Actually - So it's dubbed as the Christmas film but it's a film you just want to watch all year round. Everyone has a different favourite plot-line in this multidimensional holiday favourite. 

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Pretty Woman - you can't miss the movie that pretty much made Julia Roberts 'America's Sweetheart' It's a sweet hooker-meets-rich-guy love story (probably the only one but you see my point) Also Richard Gere in this film is just lovely

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The Holiday - Even though it probably isn’t, it feels like “The Holiday” is a underrated film. It feels like one of those ensemble rom-coms like Love Actually but with a much smaller cast. Having four huge stars together onscreen keeps the story easy to follow and allows for deeper character development. 

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Notting Hill - so this is another Julia Roberts movie that everyone should watch. Pretty much most guys (and girls) fantasy. A regular guy has a run-in with a beautiful celebrity and they fall in love etc A modern fairytale of sorts.

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Legally BlondeThe ultimate girl-power film! Reese Witherspoon as Elle Woods not only goes to Harvard Law, she shows us all that you can be as girly as you want and also be smart, caring, and kick-ass. 

Dirty Dancing - I could watch this movie again and again. I love it that much. Patrick Swayze is just lovely as 'bad boy' dance instructor Johnny Castle who falls in love with Baby played by Jennifer Grey. Everyone loves this film right?

What If? - The movie itself is so cute and quirky. Also who doesn't want to see Dan Rad in a rom com. Its a sweet love story between two friends Chantry and Wallace, which raises the question whether you can be close friends and not fall in love along the way.

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A Cinderella Story -  A teenage girl figuring out how to embrace who she really is, no matter what anyone thinks with the queen of teen Hilary Duff as 'Cinderella' and 00's heartthrob Chad Michael Murray as 'Prince Charming. This film is the perfect pick me up.

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Love, Rosie - Every hopeless romantic loves this one right?  A unique way Rosie and Sam's love story was told through letters and emails, it leaves you squealing with joy despite how predictable it may be, i love it.

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Made Of Honor - Patrick Dempsey is adorable and funny in this, in a mini kilt with white briefs underneath in attempt to win a girl would probably go down as humiliating. This just leaves you in stitches over how far a guy will go to get the girl. Two people who have been best friends since college.  Enough said.  That’s the best kind of set up for romance

Let me know what films you'll be adding to your watch list.

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Things Nobody Tells You About Depression

People don't realise how exhausting having depression and how lonely you can feel. I guess it's hard to imagine having no energy. Not even enough energy to get out of bed and socialise. One thing that annoys me the most is 'Go outside, you will feel better' and that's not necessarily true. Having depression just drains you. Depression is not just about being sad. Tonnes and tonnes of people think that the only emotion in depression is sadness and feeling low, when it's actually so much more than that. Not only do you feel sad;  you feel helpless, guilty and numb. And that's just a handful of negative emotions that you feel. Depression is like a dark demon that plays tricks on you, at least that's how it makes me feel. 

Nobody tells you that depression is actually terrifying. It's scary, that it can make you feel so alone and want to hurt yourself, or even not be around anymore. It really does become difficult to see a future. And I'm not going to lie and say i haven't felt like that because i have, there's no point in sugar coating it.  It often seems like there is no way out of depression. I still find depression pretty scary even after my diagnosis around 5 years ago. It can sometimes be so difficult to see a way out of the illness, but you need to keep faith because you will get better - it is possible. Having both depression and anxiety is a challenge but it's an illness you can beat

Even if I somehow do get a good night's sleep I still feel tired all the time. Depression also causes your thoughts to become completely irrational, and you start believing them. You believe that you are a bad person, that people don't like you, and that it's your fault that something bad has happened. But, on the good days (perhaps the next day, even) you will realise that none of these thoughts are true. 
The smallest of tasks become overwhelming, like washing your hair, doing the daily chores or even going for walk feel like the biggest things in the world - all you want to do is crawl back into bed and never come out again. But when you do complete small tasks it is a massive achievement, and that's okay. You should feel proud.

 One of the main stigmas I have noticed about depression (and anxiety), is that you have to be down all the time. This is far from the truth. People with depression including me have good days, and on those good days they can even feel extremely happy.  You don't have to become your depression, you are still you, your own person. And that's one thing I'm still trying to remember.

I want to end this post with this: don't be afraid to tell people how you feel, how your depression (or anxiety) is making you feel, You are one step closer to beating this, i promise. It just takes time. Stay Strong 

Mental Health: It's Okay Not To Be Okay.

I have talked about my mental health quite a bit on this blog but not talked about my medication. So as you all know i suffer from depression and anxiety which the two together is a challenge. When i was diagnosed, i was sent to a therapist who told me i was showing signs of depression & anxiety which lead to being prescribed anti depressants 20mg fluoxetine to be exact.

Fast forward 5 years or so and struggling with college, pulling out of my studies and having counselling and now i've made the decision to up my dose from 20mg to 40mg to help control my anxiety and low moods better. Although it's a fairly new thing, i think it was the right decision because i have been struggling with motovation, being happy and being more myself. Sometimes i just felt a lot of pressure to be okay, keep going and get on with it but it was hard. There were days where i just felt more calm and content at home

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Some days i felt i was getting better and then it feels like the world is coming down on me like a ton of bricks and i felt so empty without knowing why. Some days I'd get up in the morning, the dread for the day fills my body and there’s a huge weight pressing on my chest and constricting me. I admitted to myself that I’m not coping as well as i thought, I’m unwell, that these thoughts i was having are not normal. And i can get better and i will. It'll will just take some time to fight it. 

I wanted to be happy and sometimes i just didn't know how. I didn't feel good enough about myself or that i was a good daughter, sister, granddaughter. Or anything, i felt like i was a burden because i was happy one minute and depressed the next and i was getting more anxious about the littlest things - I suppose i got tired of people telling me it will be okay but when? I was (still) my own enemy when i should be my own best friend and i found that hard because i always found myself hating some parts of me as well as loving some parts of myself. Depression and Anxiety feels like your mind is playing tricks on you and you're having to fight them with your biggest spell. Having depression and anxiety is very physically and emotionally draining. It feels like you lose your true self and no matter how hard you try you can't find who you once were.

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It just gets so overwhelming, sometimes i just want to scream. I tell them how i feel and it's like they hear me but they're not really listening and honestly i never imagined my life turning out this way but who does? Who imagines being diagnosed with a mental disorder? Nobody. 

Things are looking up, some days are hard but I’m coping a little bit better. College is going well. Everyday is different but I try to keep a positive mindset and hope that it works out well. No one has their life figured out just yet and that's just the right time for people to learn more about themselves and their strengths. When things get tough sometimes strength is all we need.

One thing i would say is surround yourself with things & people who/are positive and make you happy. It will get better. It just takes time. We're all human and we all matter.

Dear Simone:
Try and see the positives in every day and know you are good enough, loved and valid more than you know. Stay strong. I love you just as you are, don't think about changing because you're perfect don't let anyone tell you different even yourself. And know It's okay not to be okay. You will come back stronger. Look after yourself, I LOVE YOU

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Don't be ashamed of your struggles or your mental illness, it doesn't define you. Your struggles in life shape a stronger version of you. Remember that.

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