My Little Fur Baby... 6 Months On

As of September 1st it'll have been 6 months since i had to say to goodbye to my beloved fur baby, my little sidekick.

Here's a little back story: After having a few talks with my mum, i was allowed a dog - to help with my depression & anxiety. We heard a neighbour of ours was rehoming some of their dogs, pugs to be exact. Which was perfect for me because i had always wanted a little dog i could spoil rotten and a pug was just right.

When we visited the neighbours to see the pug we could be rehoming, i was so excited over the possibility of having a dog of my own, my responsibility, my little bundle of joy. One thing i remember is sitting down of the sofa and one of the pugs came and sat next to me wanting kisses and cuddles, and that dog was Benson, it felt like love at first sight or the fact that he chose me to be his mummy, I knew i wanted to take him home and from then on it was Simone & Benson. Side by side.

 

6 months on, i still feel empty and lost without my little guy. Although i didn't raise him as a puppy, he had such a wonderful impact on my life & family. When you love and care for an animal, they become part of you, part of your routine, part of your life. 

Another moment i remember is our domestic short haired kitty, Teddy noticing something wasn't quite right and he would sit beside him, giving him kisses and cuddles. The day we took him on his last vets visit was a very emotional one for many reasons, the little moment Benson & Teddy shared was beautiful as they gave each other one last kiss and cuddle.

   

Benson was the sweetest dog and i miss him daily. He helped me fight my mental illness, he helped me become confident. He was perfect in every way from his big brown eyes to his cute curly tail. He would always make me feel better, just by being there and giving me a much needed cuddle. He loved his yogurt, chicken, tuna, gravy etc. He loved anything, especially if it came from your plate or bowl - he'd want to lick away every last bit.
He was the best support in the times i needed it most. And times were i would cry, he'd try and lick away every little teardrop. I miss seeing him get excited when i'd come through the door, his little butt wiggle, his snorting.. 

I think you get the jist of it - i miss every little tiny detail of him. And that's okay, because i'm always going to remember him and that happens when you lose a beloved pet.

I love you to the moon and back my little angel


What I've Been Listening To #2


Back in July, I decided to share a playlist of the songs and artists that I couldn't get enough of (maybe this might turn into a monthly thing) that's if i remember. Music is one of my favourite things to share and talk about, as I love nothing more than hearing new recommendations, singing along to some catchy songs. And so, I have decided to create yet another playlist of what I've been listening to lately, showcasing the utter mish-mash that is my taste in music - so i hope you find some new tracks to sing along to in this playlist.


What is your favourite track in this playlist? What songs and artists are you loving at the moment? Leave me some reccomendations.

Embracing My Mental Illness


When i think back to when i was young, filled with innocence, hopes and dreams. I think was I  mentally ill even before i was diagnosed, did i go through high school being depressed & anxious? Maybe, i don't know. I struggled in school and i guess my mental health, grades and so on suffered. I'm sitting in my room occasionally thinking why haven't i gone to university yet, why haven't I gone and gotten a degree maybe because it's just not my time yet.

There's still often such a stigma around mentally ill people. I know a lot of people (including myself) struggle admitting that we might not be as mentally healthy as people might think we are. But why? Why can't we shout it out to the world?! Like it's not something to be ashamed of. I know with myself, i get scared when i tell people about my mental health i'll get judged, that truely scares me. I should be proud of every single part of me, because if I didn't have struggles with mental health, I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't have the strength, the courage to be open with my feelings, with my difficulties and many other things i've dealt with. 

I'm proud of me, i'm proud of my mental illness, i'm proud of how far i've come and i'm still going, i'm still fighting and if i wasn't me, if i wasn't the fangirling crazy Simone. I wouldn't be me and that would be a shame. And you could come across me in the street and think 'she doesn't look depressed or anxious' which i occasionally succeed in hiding well and other days i just want to scream. I'm working hard at being better, being healthy, being happy.

My mental illness just happens to be part of me, just like my hearing impairment but it doesn't define me as a person, only i define myself and those are elements of who i am. I'm okay with that. I'm learning to be okay with that. One thing i know is that your mind can either be your best friend or your worst enemy.  You who embraces your own survival every single day—I would like to be you when I grow up, please. I can't run away from my mental illness but i can embrace it

I can't pin point when it all started, it had been going on for awhile. But at the age of 14/15 or maybe at 13 i don't know, intrusive thoughts were controlling my life. I was belittling myself, i didn't like who i was and the constant bullying about my hearing impairment and other things, pushed me a little too far where i didn't want to go to classes, i was getting cyber bullied. I'm usually a nice person to be around (I hope!?) but when my mental illness takes over, within a heartbeat my personality changes completely.

I always found myself staring at myself in the mirror, thinking that i didn't deserve to be happy, i convinced myself i was worthless. Awful thoughts and anxieties overtook my mind, and after an attempt to take my own life and self harming i was transferred to a therapist where i was talking about my feelings, some my mum didn't realise and that broke her heart, i found out years after that my twin sister hated me fore a little while when i tried to take my own life because she thought i was selfish and didn't think about what it would do to her and the rest of the family. 

Now she is much more understanding of my mental health and i suppose from someone who doesnt suffer with it, it is hard to really understand what goes on in someones head. My sessions included filling out an questioniare and some talks with a doctor at a mental health unit in Cambridge. i was diagnosed with depression & anxiety. I had many sessions with the doctor and therapist at the unit and hat moment was pretty terrifying for me because i thought it meant a life sentence, but really it wasn't i could manage it, i had to learn to manage it - just because i have a mental illness doesn't make me any different.

If i could go back and talk to my teenage self. I'd tell her: she's beautiful, she's born to stand out, your diagnosis doesn't mean it's the end of the world, you'll get rid of those toxic people you were surrounded by at school and you will be happy. You don't need to change anything about yourself. Every day is different. You are stronger, braver and smarter than you think and most importantly you are a work in progress & there is nothing wrong with that.

I just wanted to write this post to show anyone else suffering with mental health that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Don't be embarrassed, ashamed or scared about admitting it. You will feel better for telling those close to you. And you are going to go on and do some amazing things.


10 Movies That You Must Watch


I'm always looking for new movies to spend a lazy day binge watching. I'm a sucker for a love story, a tear jerker. I love a feel good movie, my list of favourite movies is pretty much endless. If it involves romance, i'm a happy girl.

1. Holding The Man - what can i say about this beautiful film, except it's honestly beautifully acted by Ryan Corr and Craig Stott. Holding The Man is a romantic drama adapted from Timothy Conigrave's memoir of the same name. This is a love story of fifteen years worth watching, something that will stay with you. It made me cry, a lot. I was a mess after the end of it. The film like lots of LGBT films does not end well with HIV/AIDS arriving on the scene but at least it is open, honest and sensitive without being sentimental. Holding The Man is somethiing everyone should watch, a great, sweet and moving film 

2. Love, Rosie - This is such a cute film, and one of my favourites. The movie is based loosely on the book (and one i need read) it captures it's essance well. Lily Collins and Sam Claflin play the characters well, and this film just makes me smile. I'm pretty sure most of have seen this one already but it's a film worth watching non stop. If you're a hopeless romantic, you're gonna enjoy this one. If you're a realist, you're probably gonna find certain situations a bit too much and out there. But either way it's enjoyable

3. Soft Lad - It's no lie that i watched this film for Jonny Labey because of how much i like him. Jonny is adorable in this film, Soft Lad follows David (played by Jonny Labey) who's been accepted to a prestigious dance school, who's been secretly sleeping with his sisters husband Jules (played by Daniel Brocklebank), when David begins an open relationship with another man Jules is filled with envy. With many highs and lows that follows through out, with all characters it's definitely another film everyone should give a watch. The cast and story is lovely to watch. Also Jonny Labey's scouse accent is rather cute.

4. Love is All You Need - This film follows a woman named Ida who's finished her course of treatment for breast cancer and finds her husband cheating on her with a younger woman, and of course her world comes crashing down so she heads of to Italy solo for her daughters upcoming wedding and meets the grooms brusque mannered father, Phillip (played by Pierce Brosnan), while in Italy Ida bonds with Phillip. The scenery, language & chemistry between the characters makes the film so enjoyable, this is a film i've watched many times because of how uplifting it is. And it's nice to see an older couple falling in love rather that it focusing on the young.

5. Cinderella - This was one live action Disney film i was excited to see. And it didn't disappoint, the imagery was pretty much perfect. It keeps hold of the old-fashioned Disney magic, which i feel is important in recreating a Disney film in live action. Lily James is the perfect Cinderella, filled with innocence and grace. So if you haven't watched it already, then you definitely should.

6. The Lake House - Another favourite of mine, features Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock which follows the journey of their characters fighting to be together but the trouble is it's a long distance relationship, Keanu's character is in a remote lakeside suburb and Sandra's character is in downtown Chicago - She's in 2006. He's in 2004. It will draw you into a deeply passionate story. There are some twists that may or may not surprise, this is a beautiful movie, from the story to the acting to the beautiful cinematography.

7. Beyond The Lights - The pressures of fame have superstar singer Noni on the edge, until she meets Kaz, a young cop who works to help her find the courage to develop her own voice and break free to become the artist she was meant to be. This film goes in deep about fame and with so many important life messages regarding self-image, being happy, love & success. This movie from start to finish was nothing short of amazing. Very here and now. Very real. And i felt i could relate with Noni, to her feelings of not being seen or heard. This is a favourite to watch on a lazy day.

8. Kingsman The Secret Service - The fact it had an adorable Pug featured in the film was one of the reasons i wanted to see it. I've never been into action packed, guns blazing films but this had quite a lot comedy which made it more fun on my part. It does not fall stereotype and gimmicky like most spy like movies. JB the pug is still favourite thing about the movie, what's not to love about a cute dog in an action packed film.

9. What If? - What If asks a basic question if a friendship between a boy and a girl could lead their relationship to something romantic.They may not be a typical stale supermodel looking pair, the uniqueness it highlights to these characters are their personalities and their problems. It may not make their personal situations any complex, but it still is a memorable little romcom that shines through its humor and performances. Which makes it more fun to watch, although it's fairly predicable it's a lovely film to watch filled with charm and maybe an updated version of When Harry Met Sally.

10. Chalet Girl - Chalet Girl is a chick-flick with snowboards, with British witty humour. Chalet Girl takes the ordinary and the 'once upon a time' theme and breezes through with a fun, entertaining, and rich plainness that makes this movie involving and captivating. Ed Westwick is everyone's dream Prince Charming, I like when a comedy like this which is sort of light and fluffy can be smart too

My Other Favourites: Endless Love, Beastly, Dirty Dancing, The Normal Heart, Step Up, Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging, A Cinderella Story. And pretty much every Nicholas Sparks movie ;) 

Holding The Man & Soft Lad are the two movie's that should be talked about because they are both just equally amazing. Have you seen all of these movies? If so, which was your favourite? If not, will you be adding any to your 'must watch' list? Let me know!

Thoughts I'm Most Likely Having


1. Morning's shouldn't exist, why can't the day just start at 12

2. I need coffee

3. This is weird, i didn't use to like coffee - now i can't get enough

4. Ooh whats the gossip on twitter. I'm obsessed with social media...

5. aww look at the dog. I WANT IT

6. LET ME ADOPT EVERY DOG, I'LL LOVE IT AND CHERISH IT

7. I don't know what I'm doing, help

8. Why can't i get through the day without freaking out.

9. Anxiety just sucks

10. Let's listen to some music, ahh this is better

11. Why haven't i gone to uni yet and gotten a degree?

12. I love this snapchat filter, never take this away from me

13. Those who didn't grow up with the Jonas Brothers, surely did miss out

14. Why aren't my eyelashes longer, i want little butterfly lashes. okay I'm weird

15. OMG how adorable is Jonny Labey, look at that smile, those eyes and those gorgeous curls. I just love him so much

16. Ugh, i don't like summer, everything feels gross and sweaty

17. I want to wear all the cute sweaters and comfy leggings.. Autumn can't come quick enough

18. I want a house full of dogs, now that's heaven

19. Seriously why isn't my life like a movie or a TV show?

20. Why is everyone getting engaged/married/having babies?

21. Aww teddy's being very affectionate today, is there something wrong with him? Aww he's too cute, look at his little pink nose and cute whiskers...

22. I need a holiday. oh wait i haven't got any or even enough money

23. It's so hot, i need a ice lolly. I'm not made for hot weather

24. I want some doggie cuddles. i need doggie cuddles

25. Can i have a nap? is it too early to have one?

26. I love my little blog, i didn't think it would give me this much joy

27. Ahh, i love tumblr... i need to stop finding new couples to ship

28. Maybe I'll be more productive today.

29. Drafting blog posts is being productive, right?

30. Why does my mental health have to make me feel like crap

31. How about a lovely soak in the bath and a load of bubbles, you can't go wrong with bubbles

32. How I'd love to live in London or Australia

33. I miss my little fur baby, not having a dog in the house just feels weird. Why is it animals that make you feel better more than humans

34. Can someone please take me to Disneyland 

35.  I wonder how many hours of sleep I actually need to function?

36. Ooh a new blog find.. omg i love that template

37. Am i a good enough writer to be blogging?

38. Omg i have so many crushes, how did that happen?

39. Oh dear, I'm in love with another fictional character.

40. OMG THEY ARE SO HANDSOME/PRETTY *cries*

41. Would it be weird if i tweeted that??

42. I need to get a life

43. I want pretty tattoos and pretty coloured hair, but I'm such a wimp

44. Why do i say I'm gonna fall asleep earlier when we know that's a massive lie.

45.  I really need to buy more leggings, I wear these to death...

46. There's nothing watching videos of YouTube can't fix

47. Why isn't it socially acceptable to fangirl in public? I have so many feels

48. I need more makeup, i need more mascara, eyeshadow, eyeliner, foundation, powder. I might as well just buy the whole shop next

49. I have nothing planned for the day. Happy Lazy Day to me!

50. I'm adult... What!? I can't adult

51. I love Spotify! oh god not this advert again.

52. Oh wow, I'm addicted to social media.. That can't be healthy, can it?

53. Why do snapchat bring in the ugly filters, give me my cute, pretty filters!

54. I'm probably the only one that still loves this dog filter, but its so cute.

55. Wow i haven't worn makeup for 10 days, what is wrong with me... 

56. I'm gonna go all out with my makeup today.. Actually on second thoughts, lets just stick to the basics

57. OMG look at the doggie, do you think they would mind if i took it home with me? OMG LOOK AT THAT FACE. OMG THAT CUTE LITTLE TAIL

58. Why is the world such a horrible place sometimes? Why does society have to be so judgemental. Like what is 'normal'

59. Why does it feel like everyone's judging my life choices

60. No matter how bad it seems, it will always get better.


My mind honestly does a marathon everyday, I mean tell me someone whose mind doesn’t? So much happens on a daily basis it is very difficult not to overthink everything that is going on in life. Do you have things you ask yourself? Or am i just a little bit crazy.

Things That Make Me Happy


I've been feeling down in the dumps lately, getting anxiety, feeling down or just feeling overall lethargic isn't unusual for many of us, it happens on a regular basis for me, which is when I'll either become a little enclosed within my own thoughts or just become miserable. 
And thats been happening quite a bit lately because i've been feeling stuck and negative. 
Since i had my laptop near by i thought why not do a blog post filled with things that make me happy.

1. Having a good nights sleep.
2. Disney movies
3. My lovely blog
4. A nice cup of coffee in the morning and a couple of bourbon biscuits. YUM
5. A Youtube vid binge before going to sleep - btw, Katy Bellotte is adorbs
6. Adorable fictional characters and couples *Paul Coker. cough cough*
7. A good mental health day
8. Feeling confident
9. Videos of puppies
10. Chick Flicks
11. A lovely hot bath
12. Autumn and Winter 
13. Buying new make up to try out
14. Listening to music
15. Christmas lights
16. Sweaters
17. Catching up with my favourite blogs
18. Scrolling through Tumblr & Twitter
19. Jonny Labey ( he's just the cutest, I'm just so in love with him right now. Actually all my favourite people..)
20. Seeing dogs across the street and cooing over how cute they are
21. Writing, writing a blog post, Writing out my feelings, my ideas, my worries, my anxieties. Writing tends to come quite naturally for me and a favourite creative outlet
22. Colouring, i find it very therapeutic
23. Cuddles with the family cat (lately he's been giving me lots of love)
24. Watching fan videos of my ships, i'm a little emotional balloon when it comes to fictional pairings (i love a good fan video)
25. Spending the day in my PJs


What makes you happy?

22 Little Reminders


We all have a little things we like to remind ourselves whenever things get a little difficult or whenever life decides to throw a punch or two. And being in your twenties feeling a little lost or frustrated is even more of a pain in the bum. So I've put a few little reminders together for whenever you need someone to say it's going to be okay or just something to look at whenever your going through a tough time.

1) No one is perfect, and no one has it all together.

2) You are important

3) Be confident in who you are. You're wonderful! Embrace that

4) Your anxiety or depression is nothing to be ashamed of.

5) There's a lot of beauty in this world, just take a step back from your worries and hardship and you will learn to see it from a different perspective

6) Be yourself, because you put something into the world that wasn't there before

7) If you are living, you are still surviving and becoming stronger.

8) Don’t compare your path with anybody else’s. Your path is unique to you.

9) It’s OK to not love yourself 100% right now, but take everyday to let yourself know you’re doing your best.

10) There is a whole world out there just waiting for you to experience it, don't ever feel like you are too small or your ideas or dreams aren't big enough. Explore the world, it's waiting for you for when the time is right.

11) Learn to love yourself – your heart, your brain, and your body. Flawed and scarred, beautiful and terrifying. Quirky and insecure, hard and soft. Let your thoughts be unique and raw, honest and open. Care for your heart and feelings. Forget about the expectations and the societal norms and just be yourself. You don’t have to play by the rules, you can be your own person. Embrace it, It is your life, live it 100% how YOU want to, and never apologise or feel guilty about that.

12) Don’t be like the rest of them – just be like you. Drop the comparisons. Don’t compare yourself to those around you. Don’t compare yourself to celebrities, or to the social media lives of your peers. You are neither inferior nor superior to anyone else in this world…you are simply you. And this is powerful. You aren’t supposed to be like anyone else – you are meant to have your own path. There’s no need to try to be like someone else. Living this life is truly about growing in ways that you yourself wish to grow, while simultaneously hoping for the best for those around you.

13) You are enough

14) You are human. This is probably the biggest reminder of them all. You will make mistakes. You will hurt other people and other people will hurt you. You won’t always feel happy and positive. Remind yourself that you are an imperfect human being instead.

15) You matter, you are the only person who can be you. Everyone has a different life journey and a different story to tell. We all face different challenges. We all gain different experiences. There are billions of people on this planet, and yet you are the only person who is exactly like you. Be kind to yourself.

16) You are so unique. There will never be anyone on this earth who is just like you. Everyone looks different and has a new and diverse way of thinking and acting. Being different is your greatest asset. Be the best version of you, love your weird quirks and differences. They make you who you are. You're unique and one of a kind, you were created to make a mark in this life and not just born to survive, you put something into the world that wasn't there before

17) Understand, have courage, be strong. Knowing that life is imperfect gives you enough space to expect it to be hard. You have to accept that life's circumstance is not ALWAYS within our control and all you can do is accept, understand and to keep moving forward.
Life is 99% choice and 1% chance. That's pretty much it. You are so much stronger than you think. Don't ever give up, because trying always means there is a chance that you will succeed

18) Don't compare your progress to others, you're doing your best and that's enough

19) You are a work a progress, You are still learning and you're going to be better. Progress means more than perfection. You're capable of more than you know

20) You don’t have to have everything figured out. I used to feel so much pressure to figure it all out and still do sometimes. We can be so hard on ourselves when we don’t believe we are living the life we are expected to live. Give yourself a break. We're discovering ourselves, dream careers and just how to be living life filled with responsibilities.

 21) Stay true to who you are, There is only one you in this entire universe. No one has exactly your strange and magical mix of genes and experience. Learn what makes you tick. And keep building on that. You will make wonderful things happen. You are young and vulnerable. You are still trying to figure out who you are; trying to fill in the colours of a blank painting and that's what life is a blank canvas - You are the artist of your masterpiece; you are the masterpiece and you are in charge of doing whatever you please to it.

22) Do you what makes you happy regardless what it looks like to others, whether it's obsessing over a band, a cute new fictional couple, a TV series or the cutest celebrity you've just discovered. Or whether it's something creative like painting, writing, drawing or blogging, if it makes you happy and puts a smile on your face at the end of a bad day - Do It. Those who make people for like crap for liking something should just stop shaming people for being happy altogether.


be you and keep smiling.


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5 Things I Learnt From A Cinderella Story


Growing up this was my favourite movie to binge watch (and still is). We all have that one movie that no matter how many times you watch it you will never get tired of it. Well hopefully you all do. "A Cinderella Story" just so happens to be that movie for me. It is probably one of the most cliche movies out there, but if you dig deep enough you will find a few things that you can learn from it. Also it's the perfect pick me up.

1. Always Follow Your Dreams

Never settle for anything less than you deserve. No matter what the situation may be, make sure to always stay true to yourself and give yourself what you deserve. If whatever it is, is important, it will find its way back to you somehow.

2. You Never Know What Could Be Right In Front Of You The Entire Time

In life we always seem to over look the smallest things. Instead of looking at the big picture, take a step back and appreciate the small things in life. Appreciating the small things in life will you give you a better outlook on every step you take and every move you make in your everyday lifestyle.


3. When Things Don't Go As Planned, Don't Drag Yourself Down

Things always find a way of working out, especially when you least expect it.Make sure to never beat yourself up over things. Things will work out just the way they need to. You may think at that time that nothing ever goes your way or the situation always turns bad, if it isn't meant to be it won't be. So keep your tiara on and your head held high and you'll make it through anything.

4. Don't Be Afraid To Be Yourself
Take it from Sam Montgomery. It took a few rude people in her life to realize that she didn't care what people thought of her and that she was fine without them in her life. It may be hard at first to figure out why we don't need different people in our life but the truth will come out eventually and you will be way better off without them in it. You deserve to be happy and know that everything will be okay. It just takes believing in yourself and self worth because who you are is the best gift to the world

5. Be Able To Take A Compliment.


All girls need to know how wonderful they actually are. Media portrays women and young girls in different ways that make us look at ourselves as if we aren't enough. But, every girl deserves to be told they are beautiful, so if Prince Charming tells you that you are beautiful, accept that, because it's true especially if that Prince Charming is Austin Ames or Chad Michael Murray. Just look at yourself in the mirror and say 'i am beautiful and i am enough'

I could continue to go on and on about how much I love this movie and how great it is for anyone to see and all of the different things you can take from it but the five things that I wrote above are probably some of things you can take with you no matter where you go in life and no matter what you do.

"Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game."

00's Nostalgia Playlist


As a 90's kid (1995 to be exact) i grew up listening to some pretty catchy songs and we can't deny that we don't go on YouTube or Spotify for a little musical nostalgia. Also the 00's music was changing and we were discovering our first taste of fandom, I think everyone can guess Jonas Brothers was my first 'proper' fandom. 

The other day was just listening to a bunch of old songs from the early 00's and onwards, and that how this post came about - i thought it would be fun show what i listened to growing up and entering my teens to & the songs i used to dance to around my bedroom and pretend i was at Wembley. I think we can agree that the music in 00's was the best. Here are my instant classics, favourites and one hit wonders that take us back to those times. Feel free to reminisce.


To the kids born in 2010 onwards, that are now growing up. We had the best childhood filled with classics and no technology, we had fun with our colouring book. classic disney movies and awesome kids shows. We Had The Best Childhood.

What are your favourite 00's songs? 

Is It Okay To Cry At Fictional Deaths?

And the answer is YES it is. Because why does it have to be such a big deal if you do, it just shows you are an emotional person who grows attached to thing that are fictional and it doesn't need to be a bad thing. It shows you have feelings and you aren't afraid to let them out.



 To say I am mindlessly obsessed when it comes to television programmes might be an understatement, however when you develop attachments to your favourite television programmes they become apart of your routine, you can’t help but feel like the characters involved in these fictional programmes are almost like friends or family, like you really know them (I say almost). That you want them to be happy, cause hey when you are watching these shows and something happy happens, well you get that feel good feeling. But if something unthinkable and tragic happens well it can affect you for a while (perhaps more than it should), especially when it comes to the ultimate heartbreak, the killing off of your favourite characters and leaves you crying for days

Somehow i always find myself getting attached to fictional characters, and when they die i cry my eyes out. Just like when i was a kid watching The Lion King and BANG Simba's dad is killed by Scar (Simba's uncle) or even any other Disney death and i remember specifically sobbing my little heart out in my mums arms because little Simba was trying to wake him up so they can go home. Then fast forward mid teens/ being a fangirl. Because of these emotional bonds we form watching certain characters, it’s perfectly understandable that we mourn their loss when they die on a show, If you’re invested enough, the death of a character is going to be very real to you.

Honestly how i see it, it's perfectly okay to cry over a fictional character. We all do it. I guess you are wondering why I'm writing this post, and the reason being is the British soap EastEnders killed off a character called Paul Coker, who is a sweetheart with his cheeky grin, lovely eyes and of course his unruly curls. And it got me thinking why do we cry over fictional characters? We all have gone through that horrible phase of curling up in our beds and crying over the deaths of our favourite fictional characters at one point or another. It happens to even the strongest of hearts. We genuinely invest our emotions on a well written character, whether on screen or on paper. I'm sure we all have fictional deaths that we all struggle to recover from.

I guess what I'm trying to say is why do people think of you weird or insane just because you've grown an attachment to a character and when they leave or get killed off, your heartbroken. Like we know its a TV show or movie but even still it's still sad when a beloved character dies or leaves. I've cried over the death of Paul Coker so many times, including the aftermath of the people he loves finding out and lets just say Harry Reid who plays Ben Mitchell deserves an award for most heartbreaking reaction - it's not to say i didn't cry at his grandparents finding out but somehow Ben being so wrecked with grief tugged on my heart strings even more. 

Personally i find that you are allowed to grow emotionally attached to a fictional character but just know the difference between real life and fictional. Overall I'm just a very emotional person and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Every single one of us are fangirls/fanboys in one way or another and we all get attached or obsessed if you want to call it that and sometimes crying over a fictional death comes with the whole shebang. Fictional deaths really make me cry like a baby whenever I'm into a TV show, movie or character. The only thing that makes me sad is the fictional deaths of TV show or soap character. Death is a part of life. Since television shows tell stories about life, there are naturally going to be stories about the end of it. Not every TV character's death will leave a chasm in your life, though. Nor will it make you feel like you've lost a close and personal friend. 

I thought, why not end the post listing some fictional deaths that broke my heart.

Paul Coker (EastEnders)
There is so many reasons why this is the most heartbreaking fictional death, because it was out of the blue (yes we knew Jonny Labey was leaving, not by choice might i add) and he was a much loved character with a story to tell. He was a beautiful and positive character that gave EastEnders the breath of fresh air it needed. And the fact they killed him off in a horrible way being beaten to death because he's openly gay and proud of who he is, just for the sake of telling the story of homophobic attacks which is great they are doing that BUT for a much loved character like Paul who was planning his future with Ben Mitchell, they had just got matching tattoo's which was really sweet and soon as they are together openly with Ben being happy and comfortable in himself - He and Paul get attacked on a night out for just being a couple. I know it happens in real life everyday somewhere around the world but honestly we need to see positive representation of the LGBTQ community. Honestly i think i might have felt a little better about this one if it was an accident.


Matthew Crawley (Downton Abbey) - Another heartbreaking death is lovely Matthew Crawley's who had just met his newborn son and suddenly killed in a car accident which i found very sad and the fact it was shown of Christmas Day where everything is meant to be joyful but it didn't stop me from crying over the death of beloved Matthew Crawley.


Jackson Walsh (Emmerdale)
At the time when i watched sweet Jackson's death, i guess i had the same reaction as to Paul's death to this one. I cried when he found out he's paralysed from the shoulders down after a train accident but it ultimately made me cry even more when he chose to end his life with the help of his mum and boyfriend.



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It goes to show media, TV shows, movies etc have the power, potential, and influence viewers like me and it's not a bad thing to cry at fictional deaths, we all do it. It would be nice if characters we adore get the happy endings they deserve. I hope you liked my little ramble about fictional deaths, is there a fictional death that broke your heart leaving you, heartbroken for days?