Living With A Hearing Loss, Depression + Anxiety

I thought I'd do a personal post about my hearing impairment, depression & anxiety and i hope this helps any of you lovely readers become a friend of someone who has a mental illness or hearing impairment and be understanding.

I was born 5 weeks premature, i was placed under 24 hour watch because they wasn't sure i was gonna make i, both me and my sister had to have a twin to twin blood transfusion, when my sister was born she weighed a bag of sugar and was the most ill. I guess we were miracles, well that's what my mother said.
I had quite a childhood, having my first choc ice, munching on green beans and giggling at my grandparents dog who always stood guard of us. Mum and my grandparents to had noticed something wasn't quite right, i couldn't hear certain sounds or them calling my name to catch the little twinkle in my eye, i always followed their lip patterns to pick up words. 
All these signs were pretty simple to notice something was wrong with my hearing and my mum had told the doctors that something wasn't quite right and she thought i had a lost a good amount of my hearing from birth as after all i was lip reading but the doctors didn't believe her thinking she was an overbearing parent. This caused me to struggle at nursery and middle school - hearing the teacher and just lip reading to focus in lessons. 

Doing the simple tasks became a little easier and after going to the doctors continuously, i was sent to a hearing specialist who did some tests which confirmed i had lost around 20% of hearing in both ears so we went through the process of choosing the right hearing aids and fixing the ear moulds... I WAS FINALLY GETTING HEARING AIDS, and those hearing aids would help me hear people's voices better , the TV, music and all those sounds around me.  I was 7 when i finally got those hearing aids that i needed and as a family we (my grandparents, mum & sister) made a trip to the beach and the first thing i heard was the sea crashing against the rocks and i was so happy and i couldn't wait to show everyone my hearing aids with the pretty glittered ear moulds.


I felt quite special with my hearing aids and i was getting better at understanding peoples voices & sounds, but that started to change when i entered high school - people weren't so kind about my hearing loss, they thought it would be funny to belittle someone who's different to you just by having certain needs to succeed in education or life in general. I ignored the teasing to the point it got too much with the prank calling, nasty messages and bullying, our school police officer had to be involved which saw those getting a good telling off and the bullying stopped for a good few years. 

Then came along the year it became too much for me to handle mentally and physically, i became certain that taking it out on myself would make me feel better but it cause more hurt and anger at myself and those around me, the summer before i was going into my final year of high school - i tried to take my own life thinking the world would be a better off without me and everyone would be happier but that wasn't the case, it had hurt my mum and sister to see what I've put myself through (i won't go into much detail) after high school i was then transferred to a counsellor especially for young people with hearing impairment to help me deal with my issues with confidence, inner demons and many other things. After a good few weeks of having one to one sessions with a doctor there, i was diagnosed with depression & anxiety, which in a way helped me realise it wasn't my fault having low moods and feeling uncomfortable being in certain crowds then being prescribed anti depressants which don't block out how you feel but they help maintain that balance in a healthier way.

Having a mental illness or disability doesn't define you, just know you are enough, you are important and you are worthy. Exactly as you are. Don't let anyone tell you different, even yourself. Love yourself first and for most, you will benefit from being your own supporter through the good and bad times. 
If you are putting yourself in danger and harming yourself in anyway, don't be ashamed to get help - there is help out there and people who understand. We are all here for a reason, we are unique and worthy of life. 
There are people who love and care for you

Please contact Mind & or  The Samaritans if you are having suicidal thoughts, low moods. Or see your doctor if need be.

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